Flying Toaster Oven

It’s been a while since i last posted but I got really caught up in “stuff” and I’ve been really tired.  You know the kinda tired where you just gotta get off your feet and just veg on the sofa.   Those nights when you just want to space out in front of the tv watching useless shows mindlessly flippin channels and then realizing it’s almost midnight and sometimes just falling asleep.  this of course, prompts hubby to nag me to go to bed so I begrudgingly wash my face and lo and behold, I’m wide awake again, good for another hour or so.   Then I dont end up reading  even though I have a pile of books I need to “catch up” on.  I end up reading the same lines over and over again trying to concentrate.  As habit, Hubby usually ends up putting the book away and turning off the bedside lamp for me.

Anyway, i think others may relate to this.  Working a full time job and then just needing to decompress/escape or just do “nothing” is really the goal.   I do, of course, do the normal, day to day requirements with my toddler.  He keeps me busy that’s for sure. 

Then I find my weekends chock full of activities.  Whichever weekend is truly relaxing is made up subsequently.  it’s an endless stream of entertainment/educational opportunities for my son, birthday parties, etc.   I find myself exhausted and non rested by Monday morning.  Still I can’t complain since I put it on myself to keep pushing. 

Lately, my newest project is going green.  I have aspirations to grow a vegetable garden this year and compost.  Wow, I know that’s ambitious but after removing all plastic wraps/foils/etc from my kitchen and replacing with sustainable and durable plastic that will last a lifetime, I’ve been on a kick since.   Now I dont think I would go so far as cloth diapers when and if we have another kid but I think just knowing that I significantly reduced plastic waste just from our household. 

On another note, my workouts at the gym are slowly progressing.  I had a setback and it was a foot injury.  This stubborn ailment has led to my taking antibiotics that i have to take for 10 days.  I’m still going to try to hit the gym.   I feel great after a good workout.  It’s actually therapeutic, however, it’s the strategizing and coordinating of getting back to the office on time, etc. that adds to the stress. 

Work is precarious.  I’m still trying to define what I want to do next.  I know what I’m good at, what I’m fearful of, what I’m not particularly good at.  I dont know what the future holds but I’m hoping that I will move up and move around.  I really like the people aspect of my job.  I’m just not tolerant of immature behavior which leads me to my next thought.  I have this annoying coworker who was at one time my actual friend.  Now maybe we were more friends becuase of the mere fact that we didnt spend an inordinate amount of time together or our reasons for hanging out was purely conditional…ie we put our best foot forward but the more I see her, the more I’m seeing a side of her I dont like.  Perhaps it’s been there this whole time and I was oblivious or she didnt show that side.  Or, she changed for the worst.  Now I know I sound judgmental but heck this is my blog so indulge me.   i do admit that I too have changed as a person just in the past few years.  Maybe it was having a child or just getting to age 40 or facing my so called “demons”.  When I realized a few years back that my patterns have a lot to do with my codependency of ertain friends who thrive on drama and I needed their validation, I changed this pattern by avoiding those kinds of friendships.  I’ve learned to recognize the signs and steer clear.   I still wonder if its made more jaded regarding friendships or am I losing opportunities for wonderful lifetime friendships b y putting up a wall?   Oh yeah regarding my “ex” friend, it’s as if my eyes have finally been opened but I cant help think …was I duped?!