Flying Toaster Oven

As i mentioned in an earlier post, i have an ingrown toenail.  I became more suceptible to these due to an incident where I banged my toe against the stair and it was a freak accident but the angle may have caused the most damage.  Immediately, my toe began to bleed both externally and internally.  i was in so much pain and had to wear a flip flop to the podiatrist’s office.  Now he was an ass because although I was in much pain, he got all tempermental on me when i winced in pain.  i had that few second delay after he shot me up with some freezing shot.  i beared it but was not a long procedure.  that was about 3 years ago and i’ve dreaded the day this would happen again.  Well alas, in an effort to be proactive , i thought i was doing myself a big favor by trimming my toenail to prevent an ingrown one when in fact, i exascerbated the situation.  My big toe has throbbed for weeks now.   The slightest pressure or accidental bump causes me excrutiating pain (ok not as bad as childbirth) but bad enough.   I kept thinking perhaps a neosporin and bandaid should do the trick.  But alas, husband has scolded me into calling the podiatrist in the morning.   I’m hoping for 2 things:  an appointment asap and a more compassionate podiatrist. 

one of the side symptoms i’ve noticed is that the skin is peeling in thick layers.  I also am concerned that diabetics can lose their toes to amputation if the get an infection.  I’m not a diabetic (at least not yet) but I’m concerned about an infection.  I can almost feel the lump and wonder if it’s full of pus or if the skin is just tender?! 

Anyway, to add to the health issues, my IBS seems to have kicked in again after a good hiatus (4-5 years).  i’m speculating it’s due to the stress at work.   So now, not only do I have an incurable condition referred to as PCOS, add IBS, and respiratory issues. doesn’t look like I’ll have a shortage of medical office time or keeping the doc away.

So I’m reading posts from subscribers or readers, not sure if they’re all legit.  A few were porn site!  Yikes, no thank you.

All this makes me wonder how we all want to read vicariously through others and dont want to take risks ourselves?  Or perhaps, we’re voyeuristic by nature and just self indulging in someone else’s mind aka the blogosphere? 

Despite these semi-risks, i feel compelled to express myself in hoping there’s someone out there with similiar feelings or thought process. Perhaps has input about what I’m feeling and can offer condolensces, reasoning or just validation.

Regardless, I’ll keep posting until I feel compelled to withhold these feelings/judgement/observations.

got an ingrown toenail

crappy television

tmi from coworkers

silverfish

jealousy

indigestion

mean people

HaVe you ever felt like too much is happening and it’s just happening too fast?  I do esp today.  I think it’s information overload and maybe too many goals to accomplish.  I always have these plans but by the tiome I get home, I’m so tired. I feel like I’m lacking sleep but part of me feels like a failure, like I’m a lazy unmotivated person.  So here’s the latest.  I’m trying to be it all.  Supermom, career woman and awesome wife all in one.  Plus,trying to start a biz on the side.  Not tom mention that my son is burgeoning to become one of many throngs of kids playing some sport outside of school which will make me not just Mom but the family chauffeur.

Have you had friends that you thought you were close to but found out later that they were really strange.  For that matter, perhaps I’m the one that’s strange but it never ceases to disappoint me when I have someone on a pedestal or highly respect someone onlly to find out how underwhelmed I am by their childish behavior.  Case in point, a woman I’ve known for several years and whom I THOUGHT was a good friend has been behaving very strangely.  It’s like a competition for attention on a daily basis.  Now understanding that I went from seeing her once a month to now almost daily, I have seen more things than I care to comment about.  Nuff said!   However, I just cant get over my own shock at her strangeness.  Did I never notice it before or did it not manifest itself until the dynamic changed recently?  It’s gotten to the point, i dont want to have anything to do with her.  I think I can overlook a lot of things but I’ve beenreally disappointed the past few years with my friends who are no longer really my friends.  Of course, I’ve met some new folks but this fear of being disappointed again stops me from getting too close again.  Not to say I’m perfect but I know I’m loyal to my friends, something I have found lacking in others I meet.

what is it with these responses from Russia?  I can’t interpret what’s being said to me. Plus what’s up with these inappropriate sites that are posting to my blog? 

ok, moving along…i’ve been slacking on my blog updates.  After entertaining at home a baby shower, guests from out of town and now planning a toddler birthday party, I’m a bit overdue for a trip to the spa.  Plus, I’m seriously overdue for some retail therapy with gift cards just itchin to be used and expiration dates threatening to expire.  Yet, I find myself in dire need of more me time.  I’m even contemplating requesting vacation time to do what I want to, i.e. a staycation.  I could rent all the movies I want to see that hubby doesnt want to see and scrapbook all day like a girly girl.  I do need to catch up on my son’s baby scrapbook anyway. Ok reality check, who am I kidding?  i know I’ll just end up being a couch potato and sleep in, (maybe) read a few chapters from a random book!  

I also long to be able to venture out beyond the border of the town I live and do some more fun stuff like visit museums and other ethnic restaurants.  It just gets old going to the same restaurants and doing the same rat race schedule….go to work. come home and make dinner, after dinner, watch tv and go to bed.

was flipping channels and came across “the good earth” flick.  I am appalled that the actors and actresses are portrayed by white actors.  I mean it’s not like the entire cast is white.  From the few moments I watched (since I couldnt bear to watch any more) I saw one Asian male and one Asian female, but both were not the leads.  I mean how difficult was it to cast actors of asian descent?   It looked utterly ridiculous to see non asians portrayed as Asian on black and white film. 

I could see from my info button that this movie was made in 1937.  Wow, times have changed but not all that much.  yellow face is gone but there’s still a dearth of asian faces in the media.

Have you found yourself having difficulting forgiving someone?  I know in my own personal experience, I had to look back and realized it stemmed from my own childhood experiences and even my upbringing on how I approached conflict.  What I had seen growing up was the complaining and judgement but not a solution or true forgiveness.  Well at least I dont think it was forgiveness.  Does forgiveness also mean to not focus on or to try to forget.  I still remember past trangressions but more so to avoid getting hurt again and to be wiser.  However, I would also say that true forgiveness is trying not to open old wounds and reliving the pain.  Also, forgiveness happens to those who don’t deserve to be forgiven including ourselves. 

I had to learn some hard lessons about forgiveness and yet i still struggle with judgement about others.  I have a tendency to be critical of others but I realize the criticism stems from unmet expectations and perhaps my own set of standards.

Going forward, I’ll need to work on forgiveness more.

I’m just thinking out loud for now and had a thought this am about what resolutions would be this year.   And in no particular order:

Listen to my intuitions – Trust my instincts

Go for it!

If it didnt work in the past, try a different approach.

ever think how creepy stalkers are when they follow celebrities or heard the stories of ex boyfriends (or ex gfs) stalking their exes? 

Well, before we start pointing fingers, we have to look within ourselves.  I mean how many of us lurk on other people’s blogs/webpages/facebook?  Wouldnt that be stalking in a sense?

The only difference is that it hasnt gone too far as far as violence goes.  But what about those that spend obssessive amounts of time on the web reading about someone else?  Following their every move, knowing more than they should or inevitably the target has disclosed more than she/he has intended to?

There’s a fine line between being overly paranoid and being too loose about security.  I think people should know better than to use full names, stating where they will be rather than where they had already been to, schools, places of employment and names of people should be replaced with initials or other nicknames.