Flying Toaster Oven

I come to the realilzation that I need to shut up more often and just more overall!  I feel it a privilege that this was revealed to me that sometimes I just say too much.  For instance, in my justification I judge others and then base my decisions or actions on these opionions of others.  I realize now I dont have to justify my decision or perhaps I need to be more tactful.  

I noticed recently another individual’s facial expression like “watch it” when I was sharing my opinion.  I guess it’s no better than just plain gossip or worthless talk.  Wow, I look back and realize how annoyed when my mom would make these same type of comments about others and now I’m doing it.  Not to knock my mom but she meant well in trying to protect me from being hurt.  I realize too that I was protecting myself by making these attacks (as little as they may appear) on others, a form of self preservation.  So in other words, I’m no better than a spineless back stabber.  Hypocrisy!  Ok, so by admitting my own shortcomings, does that let me off the hook just a little?  I’m not being too hard on myself but I want to be a better person than this.

so what is it with jealousy?  I wonder why I dont feel jealous when I hear of someone that has a nice car or nice home.  reflecting back, i recall jealous feelings when it came to relationships but I cant recall being jealous of another’s material objects.   in fact, i recalled feeling happy or perhaps ambivalent of another’s good fortune, even people that i felt didnt deserve their good fortune.  I’m still pondering how or what drives jealousy.  I’m taking a guess that it’s about coveting what someone has or wishing you could have more or something perceived as “better” than what you currently have or lack.  When we’re younger, the competition can drive jealousy. For example, if one is competing for a mate.  I’ve seen the ugly green monster rear it’s ugly head on more than one occasion.  Perhaps, that’s why I never tried to compete much as I didnt want to lose and experience jealousy.  Then again, I wonder if by not doing so, have i lost out on opportunities?

While watching cartoons with my son, a nostalgia flashback hits me while I’m eating dinner.  the show banana splits is on and it’s just one of those things that’s archived in the back of your mind and then just like that, hearing the familiar theme song brings me back over 30 years.  Plus, I view the visuals differently.  I didnt recall the details back then but it’s so interesting to see it now.  What makes it special is that now my son is watching it.  I feel like I’m reliving a childhood that I didnt really get to indulge in.  I only recall rushing and not really enjoying this show.  I also recall a neighbor boy who watched this show and was very kind to me.  There was a sense of danger in this.  I recall slightly and remember thinking even back then, there wasn’t something 100% right about it.  I think about the recent news of children being killed by other children.  It disturbs us because deep down we know how possible it is and perhaps, even recall potentially risky situations.  I think looking back that my parents didnt realize I was out or overlooked this potential with another kid. Maybe it was the fear of the boogey man type of perpetrator or stranger danger but not a neighborhood kid.  I think although I knew right from wrong, if something were to happen, would I have known better to run or fight back, and even report it?  I dont know.  It makes me look at my son and wonder how vulnerable he is and obsessing about his safety.  Of course, this is intermittent and based on how much time I have to think about this.

i’ve been slacking the last few years.  Years ago, i was a wannabe overachieving martha stewart, control freak and wanting everything to be traditionally perfect, making all the “right” dishes.   Each year, i scaled back realizing it all is excessive especially since the recipients don’t seem all that grateful.  Ironically I  barely even get a thank you or none at all.  Plus, every family has one but the peeps that nary bring anything at all to the hosting home.  THat said, I’m not bitter (at least I dont think I am) and happily enjoy hosting.  Maybe it’s because of the control freak in me combined with the hospitality desire I have and the need for traditions.  So i can overlook the self centeredness and the lack of gratitude. 

Perhaps in the future, I can convince hubby to take a vacation.  Maybe we can try it at least once! 

So going back to the part about slacking, usually the night before the big day, i’m pulling an all nighter cutting veggies, preppingfor the next day and simultaneously watching Law & Order SVU marathons but this year, here I am blogging and catching up on Facebook.  Even printing last minute recipes which is so unlike me.   Plus it’s my first time carving the turkey on my own.  So I’m keeping it simple this year by cutting out one or two dishes and not going overboard with superfancy recipes.  Also, I’m adding a healthy salad to the mix replacing the mac n cheese.  Besides my mother in law is lactose intolerant anyway.

I know that after the food is put away and the dishes washed, I’ll avoid Black Friday like the plague and most likely will be online shopping and then prepping to buy our first Christmas tree in our new house of almost one year.

i finally succumbed to the madness and started reading the twilight series.  I’m on book 2 andhave to admit these books are pretty good.  innocuous in the sense that the romance is very pg 13 and despite being a young adult book, i feel it’s well written and intriguing.  Scary at times but done so without the gore.  I find these books more intriguing than the harry potter series mainly since i find vampires more of folk lore but not as “evil” as wizardry and witchcraft.  I have to admit though that I haven’t really officially read a Harry potter book but the movie was enough. Now I need to see Twilight the flick and really determine if I’m a fan but so far, I’m enjoying the books more so than I thought.

I dont know if this is overhyped or what but now I’m getting more neurotic each day waiting to get my shots.  Scores of folks waiting in line for hours to get their shots.  Being a bit too laid back thinking hey, I’ve been exposed to other viruses so what makes this one any different.  The headlines and hearing about friends and their kids catching it has really scared me.  Then the final straw was to hear a coworker’s spouse who died from complications.   Now I want to get this over with.   Next my son has a fever and projectile vomited an alarming amount, enough to prompt me to consider going to the ER.  After the 2nd round, it appeared the vomiting was over.  Seeing my lil guy experience this and knowing I couldnt do anything to take the pain in his tummy away can make one feel not only a failure but just helpless.   As a parent, you never realize how difficult this could be until you see the baby you brought home from the hospital suffering.

Well we signed up and are on a waiting list but just 3 more weeks before we can get in line for the shots.  I’m even taking a day off work for this.  (Plus, if the wait is short, I’ll even get some Christmas shopping done!)

argh, my sense of smell sucks.  I can’t breathe through my nose at it’s fullest potential.  It always seems like I have to force it through and most of the time, my freakin mouth is slightly ajar so I can breathe through my mouth!  I think this lack of being able to breathe through my nose affects how I sound when I speak.  Always sounding girlishly nasally.  I know we all hate the way we sound when we hear a recording of our voices but I’m really repulsed regardless of the fact that I’ve been told I have a pleasant voice.   Then why can’t I sing?  I think I’m tone deaf!  Anyway, i was contemplating if I can get a rhinoplasty and simultaneously address the narrow nasal passage issue.  Perhaps this will improve sound quality and I’ll be able to sleep soundly.  I believe I may have sleep apnea and I’ve been told I snore very loudly!   Of course, the aesthetic vanity of it all…. I dont like how my nose looks anyway.  A more straightened and narrowed nose is what I am aiming for.   I have a friend who’s a plastic surgeon and after my braces are off, I’m considering getting the bulb off my schnozz taken off without the invasive nose breakage I’ve heard of that is required in rhinoplasties.

It seems there are so many food blogs or just blogs in general.  Everyone trying to jump in the bandwagon.  LIke they say, by the time just about everyone is doing it, it’s already too late.   What about the buttload of cash one can earn from blogs? !  I think it’s more work than people think.  Seriously, just how awesome do you have to be as a writer and have such a huge following, then you have to be an ad revenue generator too.  I still dont get the whole click thru biz.  I’m not even sure I’m even close to understanding just how it works.  But being an aspiring wannabe freelance writer and using blogs as an avenue to force myself to write each day even if it’s something that I think just sucks keeps me accountable. 

I just think it’s lame when people are copy cats and are just doing blogs for monetary desperation.  Like ebay and Facebook, it’s just too late!

I’ve been behind in posting so since I have a tendency to take things to the extreme, there may be more than one post in the same day (well maybe..)
Anywho, I was just thinking that food seems to be on my mind always and for most folks. I mean the operative question of the day is, “What’s for lunch? ” or “Any plans for lunch?” followed by “what do you want for dinner?” or “where shall we go tonite?”
I mean, goodness, I dont think we’d starve judging by our appearance. I do have to say that my blood sugar really dips when I don’t eat on time hence the hypoglycemic reaction (or lack of reaction!) Anyway, that said, I sit here waiting for hubby to pick up a pizza tonite b/c hey wth it’s Friday night and I’ve got some major cooking to do this Turkey day. I pride myself in hosting and being Martha Stewart wannabe for one day but the truthy is, i can’t enjoy the food until the next day with all the taste testing and the immense smells that overtake my senses all day. Plus, I love to nosh on the leftovers like stuffing, baked mac n cheese, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes.
This year, I’ll opt to be slightly more healthy replacing mashed with a green salad and skipping the sweet potatoes altogether. I already graduated from green bean casserole and will roast a cauliflower instead.
And no mac n cheese this year..:(

A habit that both annoys me but is so difficult to stop is flippin channels. I know that there’s nothing that great on but i still end up wasting hours just trying to find something decent to waste my time on.  I flip channels out of curiousity and to strive to find more than one show to flip back and forth on. 
Funny enough, I notice that I will see the same scene in a movie on different days.  Another thing I cant stand is watching a movie even just a little past the beginning.  I would rather just wait and watch it from it’s entirety, so another reason why flipping is a waste of time.

Perhaps if I was more organized about my tv viewing, I would study the TV guide better but who has the time?