Well, lately I’ve been at a crossroads.   I decided this year to make some changes.  One is, to proactively gather a group of mentors and advisors to help me in my career.  Even not overlooking those who are perceived enemies.  They say that you can work with your enemies but watch out for friends too. 

So now I have to wait until my project is over to determine where Ill be heading next.  Will I have a new job by then?  Or will I work on a project that has less visibility? 

I try to always view everything as an opportunity.

Ever have a “friend” who turns out to be nothing more than a user?  

Ever try hard to befriend and help someone only to be more exasperated?

I often wonder if I just have a higher ratio of failed friendships or bad judgement.  I know that God wants us to be a friend and helper to others.  However, getting burned seems to take a toll on one self’s esteem and build trust issues.

Finally, ever help someone and get thank yous and appreciation?

That’s the greatest feeling, but unfortunately, this doesnt seem to happen as often making it easier to just walk away from these chronic takers.

I have to let things go.  I dont know if I let things or people get to me.  If I’m being oversensitive or paranoid or if I should keep my wits about me.  Part of me doesnt care and hence, my troubles begin.  I tend to vacillate between extremes.  Being overly conscientious and then not caring enough. 

God help me!  So this cool night had me thinking about I need to listen to God and when he tries to speak to me.  I’m not talking about hearing voices but I do think that there is a voice from God if you listen.   This realization comes to me after realizing how important some things are, even though they seem like something we’d overlook.

Resting as our human bodies are not designed like robots able to go 24 hours a day.  We need to rest and get those 8 hours of sleep.  We need to rest in other ways such as not getting caught up in busyness rather than just plain business.  You know the type.. overachievers cramming everything in short day.

I also realize how important it is to just spendtime consulting with God.   Lots of times, I rely on my own knowledge or others when I really need to go to God with questions, requests and comfort.

It’s interesting to note that this life on earth is a path.  All of us take different paths going in only 2 directions.  Up or down.  Most of us will go sideways and then get back on track.

I’m at the point where I can just about go and get whatever I want, granted I’m not into Chanel bags or super high end luxury cars.   However, I can easily purchase just about anything and yet, I have to wonder.   Is this all life is about?

So even after having enough, I’m still not satisfied.  I’m not talking about it in the materialistic sense since I really am very low key.
You would most often see me in casual clothing with flip flops and not stiletto heels dressed to the nines. 

There’s a comfort level and a security about myself more so today than years ago despite getting older and er I’ll admit, less attractive. 

I dont know if this comfort level is due to the not caring any more about what people think since I’ve got everything I want or if it’s because I’ve wised up through my personal experiences of dealing with reality and dismissing superficiality.

I still have to wonder what God has planned for me.  Plus, I know I can’t just sit around waiting for something to happen.  Rather I have to seek and listen to Him.

I always know a high maintenance girl when she’s checking out my purse and asks me about it when she thinks it’s cute or doesnt say anything when it’s not.   Or I know how competitive she is if that’s where she looks when she meets me. 

The other thing is, I think I can tell who’s a conformist and who’s unique.   Who’s status concious and who doesnt give a damn.  Who is more anal about matching rather than being free flowing and stylish.

So much can be said about a girl who carries a super expensive bag vs. one who doesnt even care. 

I fall under the latter half, although I have a few moderately high priced bags . Of course, bought on sale!

What does that say about me?  I’m not one to pass up on a bargain esp a name brand bag!

I also add old friends who I’m not as close to but still feel something in my heart for.  I know if they lived closer, we would see each other on a regular basis.   

There are only a handful of people I dont care to ever connect with on FB.  I realize 4 out of 5 of them are women.  Either an old school nemesis or someone who just said not so nice things to me.  Who needs them?  Seriously, we complain about people but why not just drop them?  We can forgive but why put ourselves through torture or feeling less secure than we do already? 

That said, I would say  that I took several work friends off FB and moved them to another network site.  They gladly obliged and no one seemed offended except for one so I added him back.

Recently, I got so disgusted with this FBer’s status updates about lashing out against people and after advising her to stop, she continued to do so.  I thought wow, this chick really thinks the world revolves around her.  As a consequence, she’ll see that she lost at least one FB friend through all this.  
Since then, she hasnt even sent me an email, not that I’m wanting this. 
However, I think that FB is about friendships, not denigrating people.  It should be a positive place and not a forum for hatred or spewing TMI or pouring your heart out.  Seriously, who cares? !

Anyway, I realize that in every group setting, there’s someone we all need to extend grace too.   If there arent, then take a better look in the mirror!

Ever think you really got something or something really awesome is going to happen?  It’s kinda like that tingly feeling right before they call your name for a raffle drawing or beating everyone in a contest? 

Don’t either of these feelings beat out boredom or not having anything to strive for?  Imagine if you couldnt even dream or be able to struggle for something better.  You’ve already given up and just go through life with no passion. 

What’s sad is seeing or hearing about people who have dreams but never took that first primary step in that direction.  They’re all talk or worse, no talk at all and keep it hidden deep within hoping for some chance encounter. 

Those chance encounters happen to people that at least look the part.  I mean these are people ready for the good things to happen. 
Ever notice those folks that just seem to have a higher than normal ratio of bad luck or bad news pouring out of their mouths?  It isn’t just bad luck, these folks somehow cause these things to happen.   It could be simply words that come out of their mouths which sets off a chain reaction of events and a never ending cycle of bad news.

Then there are those people that appear to have been born under a lucky star.  Nothing bad seems to happen to them.  I’m also including supermommies who look like they never had a baby, size 0 figures, big ass SUV, mega mansion homes and always look together.   Also, those people that always seem to have something good happen to them. 

Now we know that can’t be true.  They may have cellulite.  They may have absentee husbands more obssessed with work, or have rotten kids.  Who knows?   The other “lucky” people may just be in denial, too prideful to let you know the REAL TRUTH or just have a positive twist to everything. 

My point is, we can’t compare our lives with others.  It’s so easy to do that but we have to realize that there will be those who suffer less or more than us, but there will still be suffering in some manner.   Whether it’s hunger, pain, abuse, rejection, low self esteem.

I realize looking around that there are friends who seem to have it all but want that one thing.  It could be that child, that big house, that killer job/career, fame and fortune.

I realize as I get older how unimportant the material things are in life.  They all fade, wear out, go out of style eventually, can’t take it with you when you die.  The only thing it does add is more stress.   Who’s going to get all this stuff?   Who gets jealous when I have this? 

And jealousy from others is not only annoying but another burden.  I just dont understand it.  I wouldnt want to be in anyone else’s shoes for any reason.  Even if they are Manolos!

You can also run across some very intelligent ones that again, make bad decisions.  Life is always full of drama and there are always issues every day whether at work, home or socially.   These are the people with just a higher ratio of problems than normal.  Sometimes we’re fooled into thinking they got a bad hand and then we realize, it’s just not possible for one person to have this much bad luck. 

When you try to discuss logically with these people, it’s a losing battle.  They already are know it alls.  They also just dont get why these things happen to them or why they’re treated a certain way.   

I’m learning the hard way.  Here I am trying to help because most of these folks are not bad people.  They need help but I can’t give it to them.  They need a tongue lashing or maybe even harder luck to wake them up.

Anyway, this is my newest approach with these folks.  Forget about it.  There are people that need AND want to be helped.  There are people that actually will take your advice rather than change the subject and distract you with other questions.

In the end, if you try too hard to help these folks, they’ll resent you.  Then if you decide to cut ties, they’ll retaliate. 

I’ve had to confront one or two and let me tell you, it’s not easy since these folks dont want to listen, period.

So a part of me feels guilty for not visiting home but time after time, I’m disappointed and underwhelmed by my parents.  Their reaction to normal occurrences just doesnt make sense.  I feel less like them and again, I try my best with all the right intentions but it never works out.  All my plans just never come into fruition.  Somehow they ruin a good time with the wrong comment.